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IS YOUR PARTNER JEALOUS?
Is the way the person you’re with treats you affecting your health? Does your partner cross your boundaries and exploit you emotionally, physically, sexually or digitally? Are they very jealous? Being abused or exploited is never acceptable, no matter what the reason is. If you want support and help, or just to talk about it, you can chat with us, and we can also help you to take the next step if you want to meet someone and talk more. You can be anonymous.
It can be hard to see yourself as a “victim” or someone who has been “subjected to abuse” but being subjected to emotional, physical, sexual or digital abuse says nothing about who you are as a person. You are not your vulnerability to violence. You have done nothing wrong. No matter what the person you’re with says or claims. No matter how jealous they may be. No matter whether you think you “only have yourself to blame” or that you’ve “provoked them” into the abuse. You might feel that the person you’re with is right when they say you’re “confused, hysterical, stupid, useless and that no one will believe you”. We believe you. There’s nothing strange or unusual about you if you feel worthless or can’t put into words what you’ve been through. We will help and support you.
TRY TO THINK ABOUT YOUR OWN SAFETY – TAKE YOUR FEAR SERIOUSLY
If you’re worried about what the person you’re with might do to you, or to someone else, take your fear seriously. We are here to support you and help you to protect yourself and to get away from what you are going through. Think about whether there are any other people around you that you could tell.
WRITE DOWN WHAT IS BEING DONE TO YOU
You may not feel right now that you want to report the abuse to the police but you may want to do so later. Telling other people around you what is going on is one way, but it’s always a good idea to write down what is happening to you, whether you tell other people or not.
Write down times and places and a description of how the person you’re with is abusing you. Save texts and images of threats and other things like that. If you can, seek medical help to document any injuries. If that’s not possible, take photos of your injuries yourself, with some kind of object next to them to show, for example, how big any bruises are. For example, put a lighter beside the bruise. All these facts can be used in a future police report even if you don’t want to report it just now.
If you’re worried that the person you’re with will find what you’ve written down and saved if they often go through your phone or have the password for your accounts, you can create a new, special mail account and send everything there, but remember to delete the mails in your send box from your “ordinary” account along with any images and screenshots from your phone after you’ve sent them.
YOU NEED A COUNSEL FOR THE PLAINTIFF – AND IT DOESN’T COST ANYTHING IN SWEDEN
Chat with us and we can tell you more about how to file a police report, what happens next and what you need to think about. At the moment we can offer support and information in Swedish and in most cases in English. You can also read more here.
It can be good to know that you have the right to have counsel for the plaintiff and that you should already have one for the first police interview, and, if possible, when you file the police report. A counsel for the plaintiff represents the victim of a crime and doesn’t cost you anything. If you have been the victim of abuse in an intimate relationship you may have been subjected to different kinds of crime, such as assault, intimidation, molestation and rape. Read more about what these crimes involve here.
Maybe the person you’re with wants you to have children quickly. You might think this is proof that they “believe” in your relationship or that they want to show they will change. It’s not uncommon for someone who is abusive or controlling to want to have children so they can tie you to them even more closely, and not least to be able to exert even more control.
Sadly, having children together doesn’t mean the abuse will stop or become less frequent. In our experience, the opposite is unfortunately often true. The abuse begins, or gets worse, when one party is pregnant. It can even be aimed directly at the baby in the form of blows or kicks to the stomach.
If you are abused by someone with whom you are expecting, or already have, a child you must seek help immediately. Children see and are affected by abuse. They hear, see and are sometimes physically a part of it, for example if they are being held by one of the parents.