Are you abusive towards your partner?

Have you ever crossed your partner’s emotional, physical, sexual or digital boundaries?

Emotional abuse might be always wanting to know where your girlfriend or boyfriend is and who they’re with. It can also be threatening to harm them. Sexual abuse is doing something sexual to someone who hasn’t said they agree to it 100%. Physical abuse might be holding someone down, throwing something at them or choking them. Digital absue includes texting the person you’re with all the time to see where they are, logging in to your girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s social media account, or using the internet to humiliate or threaten them.

These examples can also involve someone you’re not in a relationship with but see regularly or sleep with, or someone you used to go out with.

Have you crossed the line? 10 warning signs

  • I have done things to or with my partner’s body that they say hurt, are unpleasant or that I could see they didn’t like. For example, held them down, pushed them, thrown something at them, hit them or choked them.
  • I’ve done sexual things to my partner even though I haven’t been sure they want me to. For example, forced myself on them with my lips, tongue, fingers or my sex, secretly filmed us having sex or taken advantage of them being asleep or drunk/under the influence of drugs.
  • I’ve crossed my partner’s boundaries digitally. For example, secretly checked their mobile phone, tablet or computer, logged in to their private accounts, or spread photos or information without their permission or made them give me their passwords.
  • My partner is sometimes afraid of me.
  • I often get jealous and I usually tell my partner what clothes or make-up I want them to wear and which friends it’s ok for them to meet.
  • I’ve pressured my partner to do things they don’t want to do.
  • I’ve threatened to harm myself or my partner.
  • I’ve threatened to harm someone close to my partner, like a member of their family or a pet.
  • I’m often aggressive towards my partner, I flare up, destroy things, become physically threatening. 
  • Jag känner att jag ofta blir lite för arg och bråkar mycket med den jag är tillsammans med, till exempel höjer rösten och skriker taskiga saker.

Do you want help with changing your behaviour?

Are you afraid you might be behaving in a way that isn't okay? Are you worried that you might act abusive towards your partner?

If so, then you already know your behaviour is not acceptable. What you are doing may be a criminal offence, and it may affect your partner in several ways. If so, then you already know your behaviour is not acceptable. It’s important that you reflect upon your own behaviour and how it can affect and hurt the person you’re together with. Here you can read more about which consequences abuse can have.

Maybe you feel a sense of regret, anxiety, disappointment or shame over your actions. You probably don’t feel too good. Hopefully, you’ll stop hurting the person you’re together with. If you do, then reading this and other texts about abuse in intimate relationships will have been a huge first step. The next step should be to completely stop all forms of harassment, threatening behaviour, control, violence and any other forms of assault.

Do you want help to manage your jealousy or other negative behaviours? Are you worried that you might be an abuser, or need support to stop abusing your partner? You can chat anonymously with us at ungarelationer.se. At the moment we are only able to offer support and information via the chat in Swedish and, in most cases, in English. chat with anonymt med oss på ungarelationer.se.