If you’re scared of the person you’re with, then this is not a good relationship to be in. You should feel safe in a relationship and you should never have to feel afraid of the person you’re with. Take your fear seriously, no matter what people around you say or what the person you’re with says. It can be hard to leave a relationship even when it’s affecting your health. We can support and help you in this.
Even if you have only been afraid of the person you’re with once you should take it seriously. You can read about the warning signs in a relationship here.
You should never feel you have to “go along with” things you don’t want to do. That’s NOT how a relationship is supposed to be. There is nothing that you “ought to” want to do or that you “should” agree to in a relationship. Sex is something you choose to do. If you don’t choose to do it, it’s assault. Even if the person you’re with has “nagged” you to say yes, or threatened you, or promised you something in return. You have the right to change your mind and stop at any time during sex. You can read more about sexual abuse here. Try to talk about this with someone you trust, or with us in the chat so you can have help and support whether you want to leave the relationship or just to talk.
Being shoved or pushed, having your hair pulled or being pinned down is never acceptable, even if it’s only happened once or twice. It’s abuse. There is no excuse for it. Even if the person you’re with says it’s your fault that they do this to you, that’s not true. It’s the person who does this to you who is responsible. Often it’s more than just a shove, maybe the person you’re with is controlling in other ways too. You can read more about different kinds of abuse here.
Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for the person you’re in a relationship with to threaten to harm themselves (for example by taking their own life) or someone you care about, or a pet, for example. This is a way of exerting control. Another way the person you’re with can exert control is by wanting to check up on you; to see where you are and who you’re with. Maybe you’ve taken photos together, photos that were mutual. Or maybe your partner has forced you to take photos. No matter which, threatening to spread these to get what they want is never acceptable. Maybe your partner also checks your phone, reads your messages and mail. Another way of exerting control and power is to call you derogatory and bad names.
If you feel that you can’t be yourself with your partner, then it’s important to think about why you’re in this relationship. Being able to be yourself is an important part of a relationship and you should never be with anyone who won’t allow you to be yourself or who influences you so much that you change to please them.
We have often been told that jealousy is a sign of “true love” or that someone really cares about us. That’s not true. Jealousy comes from a need to control and an insecurity. It is not something you should have to put up with and if it affects you negatively it is never acceptable.
Many of the things we have written about are criminal acts. You can report them to the police. Read more about this here. The most important thing is your well-being and that you feel safe and secure. Chat with us so we can help you.